Saturday Update

This week has been so-so; not spectacular, but not a full blown crash-and-burn, either.  Deadlines at work, Aunt Flo's visit, and everyone battling respiratory infections has made the exercising non-existent difficult .  As much as I hate it, I think I'm going to have to go back to doing mornings again, and then evenings if I have time.  That way, I know I am getting at least one workout a day!  And I have no excuse doing an exercise video; Emily is usually up anyway, and even though I have several DVDs myself, there is a whole line of my favorite ones on Netflix.

One thing I am please about though is that I have eaten breakfast every day this week, had veggies with my lunches (thank goodness for Green Giant's Just for One options and that they've been on sale at Kroger!) and have started drinking Calli tea again.  I've been doing one cup of coffee in the AM with my Bible study, then brewing my small teapot full of tea and take it with me in a to-go mug to work.  Has really cut down on my coffee there, as well, and upped my energy level.  One cup of coffee around 3, and sometimes a cup of decaf while I make dinner, but I'm trying to do more herbal tea in the evening.  It's more psychological than anything else for me to drink coffee - not sure why...  The Calli tea has also seemed to help me not get nearly as bad as Emily and Jonathan with this respiratory infection, too; that and I started back on grapefruit seed extract again.  Started putting it in Ethan's juice, too, over the weekend; maybe it will help boost his immune system a bit.

I'm getting to the point where I know I have no excuses; I have all the knowledge in the world to help with my weight loss - I just have to do it.  I feel like I'm back at the point where I was my senior year of high school; I had a habit I had struggled with for years that I needed to break and I just hit the day where I said "I'm done with it".  Twelve years later I haven't looked back at it.  I feel like I'm at that point again.  You know, the crossroads.  You have to go one way or another and neutral is going backwards.  Just gaining the momentum to make the big push, I suppose... like the Fred Flintstone car!

No more excuses; time to claim the responsibility to get myself healthy again.

Up & Down

So yesterday wasn't the best day I'd ever had eating wise; it started off well, but ended up attacking the cheese crackers in the afternoon and finished off a huge slice of cake with the kiddos and justified it as snack time.  You would think I wouldn't want to pass these habits onto my children, that this fact in and of itself would be a motivator... instead I brought them in on it.  Dear Jesus, forgive me... help me not to use them as an excuse to eat when and whatever I want.

As for exercise though, I didn't need to go out for a jog or walk; I spent almost three hours walking all over a 40 acre property doing measurements for a landscaping bid that aggravated my shin splints because I was in my generic Walmart brand sneakers.  Also aggregated my allergies.  Bad.  Haven't sneezed so much in ages!

Not the most uplifting post... but that's the way it was.  However, today is a brand new day!  Bring it on!

Renewing Firsts

So tonight I went out and took my first walk in probably two months... as I knew it would, it felt great, and I truly enjoyed our cool Savannah evening.  It brought back memories, though.  So many evenings I worked my emotions out on the asphalt of our subdivision:  elated joy, suppressed fury, piercing hurt... how many evenings did I wrestle with our circumstances with God while disciplining my body?  I couldn't count.  Truthfully, I am disappointed in myself.  I spent all last fall training to run a 5K, and I haven't hardly run at all since the race this December.  I remembered the elation the first time I ran a consecutive mile for the first time in my life just months ago, and am a bit pissed at myself that I probably couldn't do it now.

*sigh*

What is done is done.  I can't play the "what ifs" or "if only" games... I can only strive for the future ahead of me.  I am blessed.  I am a redeemed beloved daughter of a holy and majestic God, treasured wife, adored mother, and hopefully what most would consider a good and loyal friend.  I am beautiful and cherished, no matter what my body shape is at the moment.  Life is a gift, and I don't intend to take it for granted.

However, I see areas of my life that pull me away from that.  An unhealthy relationship with food.  Laziness.  Complacency.  I don't want to settle for that - I don't want a mediocre life.  I want vibrancy and joy, even in the hard times.  Thus I want to try to start taking steps in the right direction.  I have noticed that when I am giving over the areas of food and exercise and weight to God, it improves every area in the my life.  But I need the accountability and sometimes blunt honesty of a venue like this.  I just ask you not to judge me, but simple walk (or jog or crawl!) beside me.

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The Monday Motions:

Starting Weight: 236.4
This Week's Weight: 235

Weekly Loss:  -1.4
Total Pounds Lost: -1.4

Week #1

 Not a great picture, I know (and yes, our bed didn't get made this morning and that is Ethan playing with the dog crate at my feet), but it's the honest picture of me.

No, I'm Not a Serial Blogger...

...it's just the fifth blog I'm made.  Surely, once I get to seven, I will be a serial blogger.

Seriously.

Okay, okay, I'm stop with the punniness.  And no, this is NOT a blog feature stripping, so if you were confused by my title, don't be.  It's about the ugly battle I have fought for ages.

My weight.

I've been overweight since middle school.  Having very wide hips given to me genetically just exasperates the fact that very closely resemble an obese pear.  Two kids later and ugh... I'm stuck.

Literally.  I've been fluxing five-ten pounds above and below 230 since Emily was three months old.  Note, I gained just shy of 50 pounds when I was pregnant with her, lost the first twenty easy as pie, and then... nothing.  Up and down, up and down.  Ethan's baby weight came right off (after all, ten of the fifteen was all baby!), but my body seems to have adjusted to 230 and wants to stay there.

If you've followed my journey, I have stopped and started weight loss a gazillion times since then.  But I will be truthful - I hate counting.  Points.  Calories.  Carbs.  Grams.  I don't want to focus on food.  I'm waaay to obsessive in my personality.  I don't need to train for a marathon, though I'm so disappointed in myself that I ran my first 5K in December, but once done, I've only been out of a jog maybe half a dozen times.  I just freaking want to eat controlled portions three times a day with maybe a snack, an occasional dessert, drink my water, and exercise regularly.

So this blog is to help reinforce this journey, to hold me accountable.  I want to post at least weekly, maybe more, maybe less.  I'm also a working mom with two kids, so we'll see.

Wish me luck!