Monday, March 26, 2012

Renewing Firsts

So tonight I went out and took my first walk in probably two months... as I knew it would, it felt great, and I truly enjoyed our cool Savannah evening.  It brought back memories, though.  So many evenings I worked my emotions out on the asphalt of our subdivision:  elated joy, suppressed fury, piercing hurt... how many evenings did I wrestle with our circumstances with God while disciplining my body?  I couldn't count.  Truthfully, I am disappointed in myself.  I spent all last fall training to run a 5K, and I haven't hardly run at all since the race this December.  I remembered the elation the first time I ran a consecutive mile for the first time in my life just months ago, and am a bit pissed at myself that I probably couldn't do it now.

*sigh*

What is done is done.  I can't play the "what ifs" or "if only" games... I can only strive for the future ahead of me.  I am blessed.  I am a redeemed beloved daughter of a holy and majestic God, treasured wife, adored mother, and hopefully what most would consider a good and loyal friend.  I am beautiful and cherished, no matter what my body shape is at the moment.  Life is a gift, and I don't intend to take it for granted.

However, I see areas of my life that pull me away from that.  An unhealthy relationship with food.  Laziness.  Complacency.  I don't want to settle for that - I don't want a mediocre life.  I want vibrancy and joy, even in the hard times.  Thus I want to try to start taking steps in the right direction.  I have noticed that when I am giving over the areas of food and exercise and weight to God, it improves every area in the my life.  But I need the accountability and sometimes blunt honesty of a venue like this.  I just ask you not to judge me, but simple walk (or jog or crawl!) beside me.

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The Monday Motions:

Starting Weight: 236.4
This Week's Weight: 235
Weekly Loss:  -1.4
Total Pounds Lost: -1.4

Week #1
 Not a great picture, I know (and yes, our bed didn't get made this morning and that is Ethan playing with the dog crate at my feet), but it's the honest picture of me.

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